Submitted by Laura Shoemake

We’ve all had that experience of hearing a song that just keeps replaying over and over in our heads.  Many times it becomes contagious if we sing or hum it to others.  Well, the tune that just keeps replaying is Matthew West’s “My Own Little World”.  It hits me on so many levels.  First, I feel that so many times, we get consumed by our own, immediate world that we might neglect to see how others are doing.  Yet, I also realize that through life’s experiences, we gain insight and empathy toward others by the mere crossing of our paths.  I didn’t grow up in a military family, nor did I realize that I was marrying into one, but certainly today, I am proud to say that I am a military family member and understand many of the sensitive issues we face.

Many of us have wondered how it is that the general public doesn’t have a true appreciation for the sacrifices of combat vets or their families, or how deployment interrupts lives.  Many people truly take their freedom for granted, just as the song says, ”I never went hungry, always felt safe.”  I’m certain that the military family members suffered many emotions of anxiety or fear for their loved ones’ safety and basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter.  And returning home, doesn’t mean that all is safe and well.  Each deployment brings change…

I challenge each of you to share a little of your selves, experiences, and wisdom with others.  Maybe it starts with sharing with your children, or a co-worker, or a neighbor.  We need to educate the general public about who we were, who we are, and where we’d like our families to be—just where do we fit in as vets and how can others help us.  For all of your sacrifices, the world owes you!  I believe that by enlightening those who lack military understanding, we will foster a greater understanding, a truer sense of patriotism—not just flag waving at parades, but true neighborly support—the “world” then becomes two, three, or more…Volunteers who will give time, energy, or support in honor of your sacrifices.  In the song, the writer finally takes notice of someone in need and his call to action.  I’d like to think this will happen when awareness is raised.

Thank you so much for your service and bless you during Veteran’s Day and those that follow.  It is time for all of us to link arms together to support and lift up those who so bravely protect our freedom.

I sit here in my family room like so many others on this day.  I have enjoyed being with the ones I love this weekend and particularly remembering how it is all possible.  I have talked with my family today, shed tears thinking of those who gave everything to provide us with freedom and then I think of my comrades over in Afghanistan and Iraq right now risking everything to keep me free.  Sometimes it is too much.  Sometimes the pain is too close.  For instance, how many of us who have served in war can sit here comfortably as the sounds of fireworks resound from every direction.  To so many Americans it is a celebration but the irony is those sounds remind me of an experience twenty years ago in a desert far away.

I don’t hear what America hears, but I do hear what my comrades hear.  I remember.
I do not simply see the beauty, I am reminded of the pain, loss, and hardship of war.  I remember.
I am grateful to celebrate our independence.  I am even more thankful to say that I live in the best country in the world.

May God continue to Bless America!

This is the time of year when we are supposed to stop and remember those folks past and present who gave the ultimate sacrifice for us.  Today, there are thousands of fine young men and women who are serving our nation in a war in Afghanistan or Iraq.  It is easy, as we have our picnics surrounded by our family, to forget that they have family here as well who desire the very same thing.  They are praying for their loved ones safety today.  They are praying for their loved ones health, and most of all they are praying for no surprises like a knock on the door or a phone call.  It is likely that someone this weekend is experiencing that devastating event.  It could be your neighbor, a coworker, or a friend who has a family member serving.
This weekend as you celebrate the lives of those who have served please stop and say a prayer for every service members family as well as every service member.  Freedom has a cost.  Sometimes the cost is permanent.  Sometimes the cost is brokenness — Broken families, broken relationships, physical or psychological brokenness, lost jobs, and the list goes on.  We don’t measure many of these costs of war.  Society tends to believe that when the service member returns home the sacrifice ends, however some of the repercussions of that service period ripple outward.  Some need further medical or psychological care and every family has changed.  Look at your own family and think about what is different within the frame of a year.  What events would you miss (kids sports, dance recitals, plays, etc.)?  What historical life markers may have passed (anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, holidays, etc.)? How much have your children grown, or changed during this year?  Imagine missing all of it?  Imagine never being able to recapture it?  Imagine never returning?  These are all parts of a call to serving our country.  A call that service members still stand up and volunteer to do.  My family and yours are blessed by their service.

Could you and your family spare $20 or more for National Guard and Reservists families so they can work on healing and wholeness after deployment.

Compass Retreat Center works to provide a healing community of love, respect, and care for the freedoms they have given each of us.

Be a part of the healing. Be a part of rebuilding their families.  Be a part of rebuilding our nation one family at a time.  You can turn the brokenness into wholeness.  You can make a change this summer that will not only impact these families but impact our entire nation.

BETWEEN MEMORIAL DAY AND JULY 4TH WE ARE LOOKING FOR
20,000 FAMILIES WHO ARE WILLING TO SPARE $20 SO THAT THESE
SERVICE MEMBERS AND THEIR FAMILIES CAN WORK TO HEAL.
HELP US REACH OUR GOAL!

Make a difference today!
Help those who have served us and put your gratitude into action!

So I had a terrific opportunity to meet Richard Rossiter.  He is a Vietnam Veteran who has given much for his country, but he is not about to stop giving more.  Richard had tons of shoulder pain from injuries sustained in Vietnam.  He became a Certified Advanced Rolfer (connective tissue specialist), and used this knowledge of connective tissue to develop the Rossiter System of Workouts.  After working with a neurosurgeon for six years,he decided to reach out to people before they had invasive procedures that could possibly leave them with permanent damage.  Now The Rossiter System is recognized around the world for providing people of all ages immediate and long-term relief of soft-tissue injuries and chronic structural pain.

The amazing thing is he has agreed to partner with us.  This summer if you join us for one of our holistic retreats you will have the opportunity to learn how to release the pain that may be limiting you.  These exercises rely on a partner’s help.  So a husband and wife can do these exercises together; connecting to relieve pain.  How do you beat that?  Anyway, I hope you are planning to join us so you can try this for yourselves.

Peace,
Lisa

“It is possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis.”    ~Margaret Bonanno

Here is your challenge statement for the week.  What are you doing to create your own happily ever after with your family or significant relationships?  Remember that you hold the key to how you respond, react, and interact.  Drive yourself in a positive direction.  Remember that it is always better to go through life with the ones you love.  Give them all some intentional time.  Listen without answering your phone or without a computer on your lap.  Work to have a conversation with each of the important people in your life where you are simply listening to their story, their needs, or their perceptions.  Seek to understand them and show your love by giving your undivided attention. It may be the first time they realize just how important they are to you and the beginning of today’s happily ever after.
Blessings,
Lisa

Spring is in full swing and after a slight freeze tonight the temperatures will rebound into the 60’s and 70’s.  I can’t wait!  We are certainly enjoying the beauty of this season.

Today’s message is for the whole family but especially for our children.  I have had the experience of watching a family in transition and had the opportunity to speak with the older sibling.  As we were talking she shared that she was struggling with her siblings presence.  I inquired about the behavior of the sibling and she responded, “_______ doesn’t have to do anything but share the space of the same room.”  I asked, “What happens next?”  She said, “I just get frustrated and yell at ______ too much.”

Wow, how many of us have had a similar experience.  The person closest to us catches the negative of whatever is going on with us.  We may not even be able to articulate our anger; we just know that we are on edge and the other (one we care about) got in the way by saying or doing the wrong thing.  You have heard it asked before, “Why do we hurt the one’s we love?”  There really is an answer.  It is easiest, but it is also safest! What I mean is our family members are supposed to love us no matter what.  Somewhere in the subconscious, we must realize that they “have to love us anyway”.  So it gives us a sort of unwritten ability to be less respectful and certainly less loving.  When we are our worst self, our family is supposed to manage it or handle it primarily because we do not stop to consider how it feels.  If we did pause  we would remember that it is hurtful and over time so destructive.  The divide it creates, because we choose what is easy over what is right, is costly and can lead to separation, resentment, and isolation.  This brings me to the next point from which we can all learn.

If you are aware of anything this week consider this:  Negativity spirals more quickly than positivity.  Is it any wonder that we live in a culture steeped with the negative?  Why?  Because negative things cause us to focus on other negative things.  Well, guess what?  If we worked to be more aware of our attitudes and responses we could multiply the positive by choosing to change our mindset.  This change won’t come about overnight but with continual awareness  and willingness to shift our paradigm and behave counter to the culture we might discover the positives also multiply.  Positive things can also accelerate but only if we create them.  So how do we make this happen?

Well my first suggestion would be a gratitude journal.  You and every member of your family could keep your own gratitude journal where you physically need to identify at least four things you are thankful for that day.  Your family could also keep one that you contribute to each week as a family.  I would recommend that if you are doing a weekly family gratitude book that you agree to sit together on a certain day of the week and each family member can contribute one or two entries for that week.

Another way to compound the positives is by surrounding yourself with uplifting quotes and sayings that inspire you.  I like to put them in my bag and keep them with me.  It is also good to put them in places you frequent: the mirror in the bathroom, the hook by your car keys, next to your bed on the nightstand, etc.  If you get everyone involved with this each one could be responsible to contribute to the positive quotes by leaving them for family members to find.

These are small things that each of you can do but if you make a conscious effort to work at it for  the next six weeks it will become a habit.  You will notice things around you change because they are inspired by your POSITIVITY!! Let’s see if we can create quality change in our lives and the lives of the people we love most… OUR FAMILY.  My family is going to choose to be intentional about this as well.

Blessings to You,

Lisa

Spring has definitely arrived here in Ohio and it is so tremendous to see the buds, green grass and spring flowers.  We have had excellent weather as many are celebrating spring break this week. I hope you are all able to enjoy it as well.

As we move into a time of renewal it is appropriate that we should have some conversation about renewing ourselves.  It is so easy to get in routines that maybe are not healthy, positive, or useful and this is a great time to clear the clutter.  I often laugh when I think of New Year’s Resolutions.  People make these in the midst of the toughest season of the year, winter.  Now if you live in California, the southern states, or Hawaii maybe there isn’t a tough season but here in Ohio it is the snowiest, coldest, and most gray time of year.  The sun almost seems to forget to shine so it is not the most motivating time but SPRING…..yes, it screams, “come out and play.”  With this in mind let’s look at this notion of self rejuvenation.

First, we really should be getting outdoors to play.  There are a variety of ways.  First, you could walk, jog, or wog depending on your desire and speed.  Bicycling is another terrific way to enjoy the freshness of this new season.  Regardless, you just need to make yourself go out.  The endorphins will lift your spirits and help your productivity in all other areas of your life.  I have learned that when I am active physically, I am so much easier to live with.  My children will confirm this if you ask them.

Second, we should clear the mind clutter.  We have all experienced different things.  If we were in Iraq or Afghanistan let’s face it there is some baggage that follows us home.  It was not easy and it is not as simple as forgetting.  Could you find a way to work through one of the obstacles.  Maybe you go see a VA or private counselor, visit a spiritual leader you trust, meet with a comrade for coffee or a burger, or share a positive event like helping to open a school with family members.  It does not have to be a negative memory share a positive one.  If you are a spouse of a service member maybe you talk with a friend that you relied on during the deployment, maybe you process what is still difficult as you move forward.  This can also be done with a counselor, spiritual guide, friend or other family member.  I suggest this because it takes a while to live into our story.  See if you think of your life as a story then each event is a chapter.  Your story is not over.  It does not end with the difficult or frustrating chapters.  Spring is your opportunity to write a new chapter.  So while things are so positive in nature, do something positive for yourself and work to share a part of your story with someone else.  It is freeing.  The Red Cross tells their disaster workers to share their story fifty times.  It allows the worker to live with the story and to control the response to the story.  Some stories have a way of controlling us, we feel the racing heart, the lump in our throat, and the difficulty catching our breath but the more we tell the story the less it elicits these responses.  So start with one story either positive or not and start to take control of it.

Finally, work on your spiritual life.  We will not experience wholeness if we just have our mind and body working for us.  We also need our spirit working for us.  Think of it like a triangle. Seek to enrich your spiritual life.  Maybe that means getting involved in a small group, attending a place of worship, reading your Bible, or other spiritual book.  I have discovered that this part of my life is the core of my health.  If I build up the other two areas and ignore this one I still have an emptiness.  Consider being intentional with your spiritual life as well.

So, we are making some changes.  We are getting renewed and energized to take next steps.  This entry is about self care but you could encourage your whole household to join you and make it a family adventure as well.  Hopefully when we clear the cobwebs we can find more joy in each other.  Make your family and friendships an active part of this chapter in your life.

Peace,
Lisa

In our last entry I addressed what service members and family members sacrifice when the service member is called upon to deploy.  As if these were not enough, we learn that they experience even more when they return home.  Most Americans logically think that they are back and now it is easy.  Here is why that may simply be a myth for the military family.

1. Immediately upon the return of the service member if a family is really going to include the service member things will need to be re-negotiated.  If you have ever had to travel for work, or step into a different role at home because of the loss of a job, an illness, etc. then you may know what I mean by re-negotiating.  How does the service member fit back into day to day routines?  Who nurtures?  Who disciplines?  Who transports?  On top of this negotiation there may also be some limitations. What if the service member is now afraid to drive?  What if trash alongside the road creates anxiety that there might be an IED (improvised explosive device)?  What if…?
2. The feeling of chaos is intensified when a service member returns.  Joking around or laughing in the car may seem incredibly loud or irritating.  The variety of things that a family is involved with may feel overwhelming.  So jumping back in is fraught with difficulty.
3. Not only does a service member need to adjust to her/his new environment at home but they also most readapt at work.  Unlike active duty personnel who return to a military base for their next military job assignment with folks just like them, National Guard members and Reservists return to the private sector for employment.  If they are lucky, their company is still operating (because of so many tough, economic questions).  If they are fortunate to have a job (as a company is required by law to hold a position for them) it may or may not be the job they did before.  So they may have to train in order to function well at work.  If the job changed there may also be less satisfaction with the current job.  Regardless, learning a new job is stressful thus compounding the stress for the service member.
4. The service member will spend the next several months and years deciphering the triggers that lead to greater anxiety.  For some it will be the sound of fireworks or a car backfiring that elicit raw emotions.  For others it will be a sound in the factory where they work that they may not even be able to delineate but their demeanor shifts every time they leave the comforts of their office and come out on the floor.  For most, don’t sneak up behind them.  Their reaction time is also intensified.  I remember an incident from my own life after coming home from the first Gulf War.  I was cleaning vegetables in the kitchen when my husband came up behind me.  He was not intending to surprise me but did all the same.  I turned rapidly, knife in hand, and just went under his chin with little clearance.  I did not even have time to consider that I was in my kitchen only that someone was coming up behind me.
5. On top of all of this is the broken communication.  Each making assumptions about what can and cannot be understood.  Each feeling like life is out of order and each seeking the ability to process and understand their experiences.  The difficulty here is that it is hard to look beyond oneself.  It is easy to be consumed thinking that “I had it worse than you,” which only creates more division, separation and brokenness.

This is certainly not the end of the list but it is a large portion of the kinds of things that transpire when a family is reunited.  Most of us are fortunate to never navigate this kind of event.  Service members today would consider themselves fortunate if they only had to traverse it once.  However, most have had multiple tours of duty in war torn regions.  Just as one starts to figure it out, respond more positively, and find some comfort in being home, BAM!!! It is time to report for duty again.  This war requires multiple tours.  Could your family do it?

Is healing hard?  You bet.  Is it worth it?  Certainly!  Is it easy?  Never.  Do we owe it to them to help them heal?  Without a doubt.  The brokenness exists for them so that you and I have our freedoms.  The ability to come and go as we please, to say what we please, to go to work, care for our families, and provide a decent life for our families.  Military families desire the same only they have an incredible service mindset and value this nation in a way that others do not even understand.  Their commitment to serve gives us everything.  Could you give to Compass so that your gratitude takes action and helps them heal?  Absolutely.  Please donate and make a world of difference for military families.

Thank you military families.  You have blessed me and my family.  We will not look the other way.

Blessings,
Lisa Dunster

Part I.  Sacrifices When Called to Protect

Sacrifice is defined:  “To surrender or give up, or permit injury, or disadvantage to, for the sake of something else.” I have thought about this a lot during this past week in relation to our military service members and their families.  You see each member of the family and the service member herself/himself sacrifice (separate in time and space, some get injured, most have hidden injuries, and others face amazing disadvantages just by the absence of someone important to their life). All of this happens so that you and I can have freedom.  I am pretty certain that most of us have not spent much time thinking about what this means. It is important for us to take a few minutes today to consider it so I hope you will give of your time (sacrifice) to understand what we ask of military families.

Compass Retreat Center works primarily with National Guard and Reservists so let’s start here.  How do these men, women and their families sacrifice for us?

1. The service member receives orders with roughly 6-12 months to get their affairs in order before they are deployed for an avg. of a year.  This means, notifying an employer in some cases and in others it means making arrangements for his/ her own business to run without him/her.  It is true that many own their own small businesses.
2. Service Members also have to make arrangements for the care of their children.  This may involve arranging childcare (often with less income), making transportation arrangements so that kids can get to their activities, school, etc.  And most importantly, leaving reminders around so that they will not be forgotten.  Mom or dad may desire to leave some video letters to their children, hidden notes or messages for special occasions etc.   All of these things take time and planning.
3. The service member needs to find a way to say good-bye without saying good-bye.  What I mean is they need to have things in order and leave with the internal knowledge that they may not return and hopefully without leaving important things unsaid.  This is tricky for just as they are cognitively aware of their own mortality they are consciously trying to shove that back deeper so that they can focus on their desire to come home; an ability to thrive and fight to survive.
4. Most families miss celebrations such as birthdays, holidays, and sometimes marked events such as graduation, funerals, or the birth of a child.
5. All members of the family change.  Think about your own family.  Look at pictures from last year.  You may have been fortunate to witness these changes first hand but often a service member witnesses them via technology, a photograph, Skype, email or letter.  We all know how quickly things change but we are not as conscious of it until we are not present to experience it firsthand.  Not only are there physical changes but there are emotional, psychological and spiritual changes as well.  Compound that with other relationships and you know it is often hard to navigate even when you are present for it all.
6. Everyone has had experiences without the other.  Some of those experiences will be shared intentionally and many will go unspoken.  The unspoken ones occur for a variety of reasons.  For the service member it is a feeling that family members cannot understand what they had to do.  Having been in hostile environments myself, I know this to be true.  Similarly, there is a fear that, “my spouse may not love the person I have become.”  This fear probably goes both ways, but for the service member who spent so much time away it feels amplified.

Unfortunately this is not where the sacrifice ends.  In fact it is only the tip of the changes that this military family will be asked to endure.  Why?  So, that we have freedom.

In my entry on Friday I will explain what happens when the service member returns and how the difficulties are compounded.  Coming Home is no simple task.  As Americans we should understand the cost of our expectations and our freedom.  Please join me again on Friday.

God Bless You til we meet again.
Lisa